AFTER NEARLY TWO years of writing a weekly column rounding up Ireland’s more catastrophic stories, one learns that there are two layers of catastrophes in Irish news.

There is the surface layer of ambient catastrophes, which are chronic and ongoing. Then there is a substrate of more acute and once-off catastrophes, which are often more whimsical. Our first story of the week, for example, is a continuance on a previous travesty.

We all know that the National Children’s Hospital will never actually open. It’s just there to taunt us, mirage-like, from a distance. By the time it does open, the very concept of hospitals will be long forgotten. We’ll all have AI robot doctor-butlers to do our bidding by then.

For some reason, however, Children’s Health Ireland announced this week that the hospital would not be ready to take patients until at least June 2026. That anyone involved in the delivery of this hospital – whether CHI, BAM, or the government – persist with these announcements when they have so thoroughly proven that they cannot be trusted for even a moment must be some kind of realpolitik calculation, though it’s not clear who the intended audience is. In future, let’s save time and sack off the fake opening dates. Just show up one day in 2042 with a giant scissors and a pink ribbon and we can all pretend like this never happened.

Alright, what’s next? Rent prices rising at a near 20-year high? We must be doing something right, baby! While I’m not necessarily a fan of relying upon visual aids in this column, it seems appropriate in this instance to consult the diagram. 

Ah, lads. I mean absolutely no disrespect to any county on this map, but just look at some of those prices and ask yourself if you ever in your life thought that you would see the like? You know the counties I mean. 

In all seriousness, this onslaught of inaccessibility, this feeling that basic human needs and milestones are no longer as available as they once were, has created an atmosphere of stress that pervades the whole country. With each passing quarter, the rising rents convey a sort of relentlessness, the intrusive feeling of a hand that digs deeper, and scrapes harder and takes more than it did last week and last month and last year. 

It's almost comical how comfortably off you'd need to be in order to be untouched by Ireland's rental and housing crisis at this stage. You'd need to be in the country's top 10% of earners to buy an 'affordable house' at the O'Devaney Gardens development in Stoneybatter, for example. It's a very uncomfortable position to be in. 

You know who knows about discomfort? That's right folks, it's Cork TD Ken O'Flynn. Everyone had a good laugh at O'Flynn earlier this week when it came out earlier this week that he had requested La-Z-Boy recliner for his Oireachtas office, particularly after grousing about public spending. O'Flynn defended his La-Z-Boy purchase by saying he simply wanted a chair that reclined slightly. You can't even recline anymore because of woke. 

"They’re a normal chair, it’s just that the back of it goes back," O'Flynn said on Thursday, in his defence. Honestly, he's speaking my language. 

Now I don't mean to alarm you, but we've only got two years left until [checks notes] ‘European Year of the Normans'. Okay. That sounds... like something we don't necessarily need to have, nevertheless the public has been invited to submit projects to be included in a cross-country celebration of the Normans, I guess. 

Housing and Heritage Minister James Browne said the Normans "left their mark in monumental ways," which is certainly true. For example, they killed lots of indigenous Irish people in the 12th century. Their invasion of Ireland at the behest of Diarmait Mac Murchada precipitated over 800 years of Great Britain's occupation of Ireland. But they did also give us the prefix 'Fitz' for some of our most popular last names so, impossible to say if they were bad.

In fairness to the Normans, there were very few categories of historical guys who were behaving themselves in the 1100s. Sure, we somehow managed to mind our own business, but whatever. Nevertheless, maybe we don't need to commemorate them. Maybe it's enough just to reflect, or remember, or learn about the Normans. How about for 2027 we just have the European Year of Reflecting Upon the Normans? No parades, no guys in helmets, just a sombre reflection on the legacy of Normanism. 

How much money are they expecting Normfest 2K27 to make, anyway? Nobody cares about the Normans. Say what you will about the Vikings, but at least those guys were marketable. The horns coming out of the helmet? Come on! They had an aesthetic that stood the test of time. Would you be willing to pay €35 for a ride on the Norman Splash bus through Dublin city centre? Be serious.

Sinn Féin TD Aengus Ó Snodaigh took a very dim view of the idea, labelling these year of the Norman plans as an attempt to "scrape the barrel of colonialism, imperialism and English royalism" for the sake of "themed tourism". And while he may correct about the first part, I simply can't see a bunch of guys hopping around in little Norman costumes being that much of an economic driver. 

Lastly, for those who have long watched the world stand idly by as Israel intensified its genocide in Palestine, it has been a somewhat mystifying week.

The UN's announcement that 14,000 babies were at risk of starvation in the next 48 hours appeared to inspire some urgency among some forces who had hitherto remained silent. 

In the last week alone, the EU has announced it will review its cooperation deal with Israel, the UK suspended trade talks and issued a statement along with France and Canada threatening action against Israel over military expansion, and even Ireland has ratcheted up its own rhetoric, with Tánaiste Simon Harris saying: "In light of the very clear comments that we’ve seen from the Israeli government in recent days, we’re very much now in the space of genocidal activity." Where were we before?

Tensions climbed higher still when on Wednesday the IDF fired what it called 'warning shots' near a delegation of diplomats, which included Irish staff, visiting the West Bank. Micheál Martin "unreservedly condemned" the act as "aggressive, intimidatory and violent". 

It is against this backdrop that Kneecap rapper Mo Chara, real name Liam Óg Ó hAnnaidh, was charged this week under the UK Terrorism Act over a performance in London last year where he was allegedly recorded holding a Hezbollah flag.  

The 27-year-old has denied the offence and Kneecap issued a statement describing the charge as 'political policing', questioning the objective of the proceedings, and accusing the British government of complicity in Israel's war crimes. "We will fight you in court. We will win," the statement read.

Just hours after the charge was made public, Kneecap announced a surprise gig at the 100 Club on Oxford Street, perhaps emphasising their willingness to do battle with colonial mindset. Hey, maybe we could use some Norman recreationists after all. Tell those guys to get back in here.